Episode Transcript
[00:00:20] Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the final Girl on 6th Avenue podcast. My name is Carolyn Smith Hilmer, and I am 6th Avenue's very own final girl. And today we are going to be talking about St. Maud. I remember when this movie came out, and I remember thinking, that looks interesting. But also, no one else had expressed any interest in either seeing it or I didn't hear anybody talking about how they had already seen it. So I just kind of let it fall through the gaps and I, I honestly forgot about it.
[00:00:57] But I was scrolling through Amazon Prime Video to see what was available to me to watch. And just like, I'm always looking for new movies or things that I haven't seen before, and so I found this on Amazon. So if you have Amazon prime, you can watch this on prime video for free. And it just caught my eye, something I hadn't seen before thought, why don't I just give it a chance? And I'm so glad that I did, and I hope that you will be glad that you gave me a chance to tell you about it today.
[00:01:30] So, looking to IMDb our bible here at the final Girl on 6th Avenue podcast.
[00:01:36] Written and directed by Rose Glass starring morphe Clark Jennifer Ale it's, you know, it has it all. I feel like this film really, truly has it all. A pious nurse becomes dangerously obsessed with saving the soul, her dying patient.
[00:01:57] Yeah, I feel like this is something that I think about. Not often, I would say, because I don't want to worry anyone, but I always think about how caretakers, medical caretakers, hospital people in hospital settings, doctors, nurses, surgeons, like the extents that these people will go to to save a patient's life is truly remarkable. And whenever they, you know, if something happens and they're not actually able to, it is devastating. And it's not just devastating for the friends and family of the deceased, but it's also devastating for those who were taking care of that patient.
[00:02:44] I know that it often is presented as a stereotype that, you know, doctors are cold and their bedside manner is cold.
[00:02:53] But what you also have to understand about these people is that they have a personal investment in the health and well being of their patients. And so if something tragic happens and they're not able to save someone, it's devastating for them as well.
[00:03:12] That's not super related to the film, honestly. But I just feel like doctors get a bad rap sometimes. And so I wanted to shout out to all my doctors, nurses, healthcare workers of any shape, size, tier, kind, caliber. You are all, you are all valued. You are all wonderful and thank you for what you do every single day. So with that mini rant over, let's jump right in to Saint Maud.
[00:03:39] So if the opening of this film will provide you anything at all, it will certainly provide you with the sort of pacing and what you're in for.
[00:03:50] Our opening scene is of a nurse named Katie who is sitting in the corner of a very dimly lit, dark hospital room where she stares off with, you know, gloved, bloodied hands looking at the patient's bed. The patient has expired, unfortunately, and Katie proceeds to sit on the floor and just look off at her patient and ultimately looks up, up at the ceiling.
[00:04:18] Title screen. St. Maude. We love to see it.
[00:04:23] Back in her apartment, Katie makes herself something to eat and says a prayer before she even attempts to eat. She's also packing her stuff. She is going on a trip and she prays that God will protect her and will assist her, essentially, in her next posting for work.
[00:04:45] She is now referring to herself as Maude. So her name was Katie and now her name is Maude. I'm going to refer to her as Maude from here on out because that is what she chooses to change her name to in the film.
[00:05:03] Upon Maude's arrival, she has what looks to be the most like insanely arduous journey ever on foot to get to this house that she's going to be living in. Now. She's a palliative care nurse and she's going to be stationed at like, a home in the hills of like, an english seaside town. It's obviously stunning. And upon her arrival, she gets to the door and is greeted by the current nurse who I guess has served her time and is looking to leave. So she explains to Maude that she left her like a note on the table with everything she needs to know and that she has a, you know, the patient has a friend coming over tomorrow. Yada, yada, yada, catching up. And when Maude asks her how is the patient doing, she says, the nurse says she's a bit of a cunt, so we have no idea why she's leaving, but I can only assume that she not having a great time.
[00:06:03] So Maude goes upstairs to decorate her room and she hangs up across at the very front and she gets to work with Amanda. So the patient's name is Amanda. Amanda is 49 years old. She's a former dancer. She has stage four lymphoma. And Maude is kind of doing things like checking her eyes, checking to see if she can feel any stimulation in her feet or sensation in her feet by using it, using a pen to kind of poke at the feet. And Maude later gets to work on making some dinner.
[00:06:41] In a conversation in her own head, Maude is preparing some pain medicines or medications to give to Amanda. And she explains to the audience and in conversation in her own head that she looked up Amanda before she arrived and that she was a dancer, a minor celebrity, a choreographer, and that she doesn't typically have time for artsy types because they are too self involved.
[00:07:16] After she's administered medication, she gives Amanda a bath and washes her hair and puts her back into bed. And then this is where Maude, you know, kind of we get to see her, like, more off duty, I would say. She goes back up to her room, takes off her clothes, and just kind of lays on her bed. I mean, it doesn't appear to be that she has any, like, you know, really crazy hobbies in particular.
[00:07:46] The next morning, she is giving Amanda some, like, physical therapy exercise. She is doing some mobility work on her legs while Amanda lays on the floor on a yoga mat. Maud is just attempting to keep her, you know, as stable as she can and with as much little pain as she can.
[00:08:09] And while she's doing this physical therapy on Amanda, a necklace slips out of her shirt and in Amanda's face, and it's a cross.
[00:08:21] And Amanda asks, who's your saint?
[00:08:26] Maude says, mary Magdalene.
[00:08:29] And Amanda's a little confused by that, but proceeds to tell Maude that she is prettier than the last nurse, because apparently that information is relevant to the care that you receive. I'm not sure.
[00:08:44] Maude starts to get a little bit nosy. And she has decided that she's going to go through some photos that have been, you know, covered up of Amanda's former dance company and some advertisements. And on one of them, it says K 666 on it, which is a nice little detail that I uncovered.
[00:09:06] Amanda is attempting to put on a wig, and she asks Maude if everything looks okay.
[00:09:16] Maude says, you know, kind of looks fine. And she answers the door where this friend who the prior nurse explained was going to be visiting is arriving. And Maude is explaining to the friend that she's actually on her way out to meet a friend.
[00:09:35] Maude has no friends. She is just simply going out, and she's kind of in her inner monologue, saying she wishes that she, you know, had told Amanda she would have been happy to just stay in her room as to not disturb her guest so she didn't have to go out and just pretend to do things.
[00:09:54] She gives money to a homeless man and sits down at a diner to have a meal. And she comments on how this place, this town, is just a total dump. So she's not.
[00:10:12] She's not enjoying her time there.
[00:10:15] Maude was called back early to the home, and when she arrives, she finds Amanda and her friend watching videos of my exposed Amanda's dancing or choreography. And she. Amanda has gotten too drunk and is obviously sick. So she, you know, she's just drunk. And the man calls her back so that she can take care of Amanda and her drunkenness. And she cleans up the floor. And Amanda comments to Maude that this man, her friend, visitor, had been one to always attempt to try to have sex with her.
[00:10:57] So Maude gets her some water, puts her to bed, cleans her up.
[00:11:01] Just as Maude returns, you know, or turns around to try to leave, to go to bed, Amanda asks her to stay.
[00:11:08] And she just kind of starts to try to get to know Maude. She's saying she doesn't want to be alone.
[00:11:14] And she's asking Maude, you know, what she did before, where she worked before this, you know? And Maude explains that she worked at a hospital. And Amanda asks her if she's seen a lot of death.
[00:11:29] And Maude says, yes.
[00:11:32] And Amanda says, well, what made you leave, you know, that hospital?
[00:11:37] And Maud explains that she just needed a change.
[00:11:42] And, of course, that this was all God's idea. Basically.
[00:11:48] Amanda asks her if she's a recent convert to religion. And Maude says yes. And that sometimes when she prays, God actually speaks back to her and she can hear his voice.
[00:12:02] Maude tries to tidy up Amanda's room, and Amanda expresses some discomfort and reservations and fears that she has about what her last moments will be like. What will she be looking at? Who will be there? And Maude explains to her that there's not just nothing after death.
[00:12:22] You know, there's a whole nother life after death. And Amanda, in exchange for Maude's comfort that she's provided, tells Maude that she is a saint, a saint of her very own.
[00:12:36] Upon leaving Amanda's room, Maude proceeds to walk up the stairs slowly. And what appears to be like something is pushing against her or maybe pushing her down. But as she reaches the top of the staircase, she collapses onto the landing and moans in what appears to be ecstasy as she runs her hands and fingers, you know, through her hair and on her face entirely. What this is from, I am not certain, other than maybe she's overcome with the.
[00:13:10] I don't know, the blessings and the love of the Holy Spirit.
[00:13:15] Maude. Then, you know, the next morning, prays in front of her cross or crucifix of Jesus. And she puts down some, like, I believe they're like, candies or something. It's something very, like, hard. And they look like little pills, to be honest, but I don't think that's what they are. And she puts. She kneels down on those, like, to inflict pain upon herself.
[00:13:41] And in this conversation she has in her own head, she explains that she realizes that palliative care is noble work, but that she knows that God has always had something much greater planned for her.
[00:13:55] She's seen pouring, like, liquor bottles and alcohol down the drain in the sink. And she is saying that it's almost nothing for someone to just mop up after someone dies, but what really matters is to save someone's life.
[00:14:15] While doing some dishes after dinner that night, Maude seems to be simultaneously doing chores and being overcome by the Holy Spirit himself once again. And she, with soapy hands, starts to, you know, look like she's enjoying herself. But then she's sort of reaching toward her neck, and she opens her mouth, but lets out a gasp because there is actually someone knocking at the door, and it's a visitor named Carol. Carol is there to see Amanda, and Maude tries to politely explain that it's a little bit too late for a visit. But Carol is not really taking no for an answer.
[00:15:01] As Carol makes her way past Maude and through the home, Maude goes into the bathroom or into her room. Excuse me, where there's a sink and she's washing her face and hands when she gets a spontaneous nosebleed. And she hears Carol and Amanda in the next room, laughing.
[00:15:21] The next morning, though, when Maude is counting out pills for the day and setting up medications, she sees Carol leave. So she's aware that Carol actually spent the night with Amanda, and she's a little bit perturbed by the fact that this happened.
[00:15:35] Maude sits down to eat her lunch at the kitchen table. When Amanda calls from the other room to come and join her for lunch. Actually, she doesn't want to eat alone. And as soon as Maude starts to say grace before she eats, Amanda turns off the television she was watching and prays right alongside Maude.
[00:15:55] After prayer, rather than eating, like, you know, normally would occur, there is a moment of. Another moment of ecstasy, I presume, in which Maude explains that God is actually there with them in the room. So they both are overcome physically by this. And that lasts for just a hot second. And finally, we see Maude on her bed laying, like, in her undergarments, and she has tons of scarring on her stomach and, like, lower abdomen.
[00:16:31] While Amanda gets ready and puts on her wig and, you know, puts on some makeup, Maude tells her that she looks beautiful. And then there is a package or a gift that arrives for Maude from Amanda. It's simply a book. And it is signed, you know, to my savior from Amanda. And it's like a book of photography and paintings and, like, prints of certain drawings. Like, there's. And they're all centered pretty much around Jesus and religion.
[00:17:09] While Maude is looking through this book, Carol comes downstairs. She seems to be a frequent guest at this rate. And she is on the cell phone talking about how she can't go out and do something because she, you know, the person she's on the phone with knows where she is. And she exclaims that she has to go and tells Maude basically to fix her face. Maude is, like, super troubled. She can't hide the fact that she's troubled. And Carol goes to pick out a bottle of champagne and open it, and she spills some of it on her dress and on the floor. And when Maude cleans it up, she warns Carol not to let Amanda drink too much after what happened previously.
[00:17:52] Later that evening, Maude decides to get a little too curious, and she peeks in through a crack in the door to Amanda's bedroom, where Carol is seen straddling Amanda. And they are kissing and laughing and dancing and just sort of having a jovial time together.
[00:18:11] You know, we can assume that Amanda is not straight. Maybe she's not heterosexual, but I see nothing wrong with this relationship. I'm assuming most of us do not. But Maude is fucking furious.
[00:18:27] She is beside herself on Carol's way out. The next morning, Amanda stops her and says she needs to talk to her.
[00:18:36] And she explains to Carol that she knows that, you know, Amanda has been paying money to Carol, you know, to. For her sexual activities, and that, you know, this is a very important time for Carol. She. Excuse me. It's an important time for Amanda. And Carol needs to leave her alone because Amanda needs to be extremely focused, which basically means Amanda needs to, you know, convert Amanda to be, you know, spiritual, religious, a believer, etcetera. And she tries to explain this to Carol, and Carol is like, you are absolutely out of your fucking mind. Like, this sex life is none of your business. Do you hear what you're saying when you say it out loud? Like, you know, they get an argument about who cares about Amanda, truly, because Carol is, you know, providing a different kind of care than Maude is providing, and yada, yada.
[00:19:39] So Carol promises Maude eventually because she just wants to get the fuck out of the room with her, that she will stop seeing her. She will, you know, have a conversation where they discuss ending it, things like that, and to make something up and not say it was because Maude asked her to do it. So Carol does that. To what extent, we don't know. We don't know if she lied or told her the truth. But we do know that Carol, or, excuse me, that Amanda has been resting a lot more and not hearing from Carol as much because her phone has been very quiet. So now that Maude has Amanda all to herself for any sort of brainwashing that she is capable of accomplishing, she is very, very pleased.
[00:20:27] One night when Maude is walking out, you know, on her alone time, she's just walking around. She hears someone calling the name Katie. And so she is trying to speed up and walk, but more quickly, but this person ends up catching up to her. And this is a nurse that she used to formally work with whose name is Joy. And Joy asks her, you know, how life has been. Are you taking care of yourself? Things of that nature. And Joy explains that the hospital that they used to work at together has been double booked for surgeries. And there's patients sleeping in the hallways and, like, things are just going very poorly.
[00:21:06] And she's surprised to hear that Maude has been basically still working as a nurse. She's, like, surprised to hear that Maude is a private caretaker or a private nurse at this point. And before Maude walks away, Joy makes it a point to give Maude her phone number so that they can, you know, meet up and grab a drink or something, which Maude is never gonna do, but she takes it politely.
[00:21:36] Back at home, Maude is playing a card game with Amanda and also trying to take her blood pressure at the same time, but Amanda keeps cheating and fucking up the game, and Maude keeps getting distracted, so she's not getting an accurate blood pressure.
[00:21:50] And Amanda gets a nice little phone call, and she asks for some privacy while she takes it. And she asks Maude to go and make her a cup of tea.
[00:22:03] Now that she's off the phone and Amanda has brought the tea, or Amanda has, you know, received this tea from Maude. Now she's in a bad mood, and she wants to go to bed.
[00:22:14] So Maude gives her a bath, cleans her up, and puts her to bed. Now, Maude is still awake, and she's downstairs on the couch watching some tv, and she's just getting more and more furious with, like, every second that goes by. And, like, presumably, Carol reached out and called Amanda. That's what that conversation was on the phone.
[00:22:43] And so Maude goes to the stovetop and turns it on and waits till it gets hot and then puts her hand against it to burn herself almost in a way of punishment.
[00:22:55] Maude serves Amanda breakfast the next morning. And the entire time she's in the room, she has been typing on her cell phone, sending messages, laughing at her phone. And she tells Maude that she needs her to go into town to pick some things up because, you know, she needs some things for later that night. And later that night is an absolute party. There are tons of people around. And Maude has taken to, you know, making hors d'oeuvres and making food in the kitchen. There's drinks flowing. And Amanda, thankfully, has gotten away from the wig that she had previously been wearing and has since wrapped her head in a bit of a scarf. And it looks much, much better. And come to find out, Carol is in attendance of the party and is pretty much right next to Amanda the entire night.
[00:23:50] Now, being that this is a lovely birthday party for Amanda, there is a cake and sparklers and candles, and Maude is in charge of bringing in the plates behind the person serving the cake. And as she goes to set the plates down and attempt to, you know, serve the cake, Amanda explains to her friends around her that basically, Maude doesn't like Carol and that she can't figure out why. She can't determine if she's a bigot or if she's jealous or if it just makes her uncomfortable or whatever. But either way, she presents to her group of friends that Maude actually did go behind her back and talk about Amanda with Carol and try to scare Carol away.
[00:24:35] And Amanda says, if I know correctly or if I think what's happening is correct, then this is an attempt to save my soul. Don't you understand? Maude is a savior.
[00:24:50] And so Maude gets uncomfortable, and she leaves. And Amanda looks at her and says, do you think that I'm indecent? And Maude says, no, you're just lost.
[00:25:02] So she tries to excuse herself again. And then people at the party take a ribbon and, like, you know, off white colored tissue paper and wrap it around Maude's head in order to make her look, I guess, more like a saint, and she rips it off. And Amanda explains to Maude that, you know, you can't take anything I say seriously, like, you know, this is all too much. And Maude slaps the shit out of Amanda, a sick woman at her own birthday party, in front of everyone, and then appears to have some sort of pain in her stomach. She, you know, has tried to.
[00:25:49] She's tried to get Amanda to convert to this holy spirit situation, and Amanda is just not buying it. So at the private agency that Maude works for, she's talking to her superior, who, you know, is, like, basically not wanting her to ever go back to Amanda's. And, you know, Amanda has filed some complaints against her. And so Maude does not go back, and she actually goes back to her tiny, disheveled apartment.
[00:26:22] She tries to explain that she's fine to her supervisor, but her supervisor is just not fucking buying it, because why would he? Because what the fuck? You can't just slap people at their birthday party for no reason.
[00:26:35] Back at home, she feels sick. And she's explaining that, you know, her stomach is hurting. She's in a lot of pain. And she tells God that if he's trying to teach her a lesson, then she can't see what it is. But if it's ulcers or cancer or something, she would just like to know. And she. She just doesn't know what to do. And she kind of says, like, I devoted my life to you, and now I have nothing. I'm not employed anymore. I'm not favorable. Like, no one is, you know, trying to. No one is following me down my path. And, like, this just isn't working. I don't understand what's going on. It doesn't make any sense. And she's kind of mad at God for, I guess, not.
[00:27:26] Not allowing right, her interactions with Amanda and Carol to go as planned. So she's disappointed.
[00:27:37] She goes on to tell God that if this is how he treats his loyal subjects, then she can't bear to imagine the way that he treats those who are. Who have shunned him or that he has shunned. The crucifix that she took with her to Amanda's house and brought home has been wrapped in, like, a scarf and on her dresser. And while she's at the kitchen table cleaning, her burn wound on her hand, she looks over, and the covering on the crucifix has fallen off and has exposed itself. So she gets angry and she wraps up her hand and cleans it and goes to a bar dressed in very immodest clothing. And not that I have a problem with that. She has a problem with that, but she's dressed in her own immodest clothing, and she actually sits down at the table to drink a beer. Can you believe?
[00:28:31] While at the bar, she makes eye contact with a man from across the establishment who they later meet up and go in the back, out of sight. And she gives him a hand job in which he finishes in, like, I don't know, like, less than 10 seconds. So she wipes off her hands and is upset that the night has basically started this way. So she sits back down at her table and grabs another beer and tries again.
[00:29:02] Then, of course, Maude remembers that her good pal Joy, who she encountered recently while on a walk taking a break from caring for Amanda, remembers that she has Joy's phone number. So she goes to the bathroom, and she calls Joy.
[00:29:20] And Joy can't meet up. I mean, she can't come meet Maude out. Maude says, hey, I thought maybe you would want to grab that drink that you offered. And I'm already at this bar, and I'm with some friends, which is a lie. I'm with some friends, and they're gonna leave soon, but I had planned on hanging around after. And then she says, you know, joy, I was really surprised that you gave me your phone number, because I never really thought that you liked me all that much. And then she gets off the phone, disappointed Joy is not going to be able to meet her out. So on her way back to looking for the next male to have sex with, she actually is looking at a beer, and in, it starts to form like a tornado inside of it. So it's, like, whirling around inside. And this freaks her out. So she jumps back, causes a ruckus. She's running into people. She's knocking over people's stuff. And then she runs into a man who had a beer in his hands, who she backs into, and of course, his beer is spilled everywhere. And he says, well, you owe me another beer.
[00:30:30] So they go back to his place.
[00:30:36] I would still, if I were him, be wondering where my replacement beer was. But, you know, to each their own. This was a better priority. Okay. It's a big, much bigger priority. So they're back at his place, and they're having sex, and she's on top of him, and she puts her hands on his chest, and while she's doing this, she's having flashbacks of the patient that died at the beginning of the movie, she had been giving the patient CPR, albeit correctly, you know, because the patient's sternum broke. And when we look at the man that she's having sex with, she has her hands placed accordingly and is, like, performing CPR on this man, albeit not to, like, the fullest extent, right? But, like, she's having this flashback, and so she's, like, acting out within the flashback in her real life. And he tries to at first comfort her, but she. She screams, she gets off of him. He tries to comfort her, but ultimately that is all for naught because he ends up raping her. And, of course, the cruelty couldn't end there, right? Because as she's leaving, this guy that she had, you know, gone home with in a consensual way, who later turned it into a horribly non consensual encounter, is telling her that he wanted, like, he knew basically that, like, she had had sex with one of his friends during, you know, her past life, before she was a born again Christian. And so, like, this just, like, absolutely puts her in a spiral. So she goes back to her apartment, and then there's, like, flashing lights coming in through the windows, and, like, everything's dark. And then she's sweating, and she's laying on the ground, and she's, like, convulsing, and she's, you know, like, moving around. Like, they're like, she's just being taken over by something. And then ultimately she's throwing up, and she's, like, peeing her pants. Like, all of a sudden, ultimately, she is levitated off the ground, as if, you know, she was being called upon to do something. So she decides, okay, great. God has not abandoned her after all. So she gets in the shower, and she's like, ah, revelation. Like, as if this is supposed to be from the book of Revelations. And she's like, oh, revelation. Like, just in time. So she cleans herself up, gets out of the shower, and, like, rekindles this relationship with God. So she decides, essentially, that she, you know, is going to repent from her sins, repent from her previous actions that she, you know, had over the last, I don't know, God knows, ever since she slapped Amanda in the face, basically, and then tried to take home random men, and then she got raped, and then she was drinking, and, like, there's so many things that she was doing, and so, like, she was acting out to get a sign, right? So then she, in an effort to repent from these prior actions and repent from these sins, she decides that she's going to demonstrate her fate, her faith for God. So she assembles a.
[00:34:13] What is called a spugna. And if you don't know what that is, it is essentially used, like, as an instrument for penance.
[00:34:27] And it's a practice of mortification of flesh. So it's like a real spugna is a circular cork, like a piece of cork that has studs or spikes in it or needles, like, metal spikes in it. And so she assembles one she doesn't have, like, a real one. I don't know. What kind of Christian is she? Like, she's doing all this shit, but she doesn't even have a sphagna on hand. Like, who doesn't have one on hand? So anyway, she makes one, and she puts it in her shoe of her right foot. And so then she starts walking around town, like, along the waterline and, like, just in general. And, like, she's obviously in a shit ton of pain because who the fuck wouldn't be like, why are you doing this to yourself? And so then she gets, you know, essentially this idea.
[00:35:29] She remembers that she had right after she slapped Amanda and had been fired from her job, she was on a walk, and she saw Amanda with a new nurse who was, you know, escorting Amanda down by the water and taking her for a walk. So then she goes back to roughly this area, but she recognizes the nurse. And so she goes to talk to this nurse, and she basically, like, is just asking her questions, like, do you mind if I sit down with you? The nurse is eating lunch, and she's like, you know what? Essentially, like, what you do for work is super valuable. Like, I have the utmost respect for those who, you know, work in any kind of healthcare. Like, just kind of, like, kissing her ass, like, being super, super nice to her.
[00:36:19] So Maude tries to ask her, you know, like, who are you taking care of right now? Like, what's wrong with them?
[00:36:26] The nurse is kind of like, well, I. Like, I really can't say, but, like, we get along really well, which is really good, but sometimes it makes it harder. And Mod is like, oh, like, when you have to leave. And this nurse is like, oh, or they die, you know, so that sucks. And then, you know, they kind of part ways. The nurse introduces herself. She says her name is Esther. And later that night, Maude is laying in bed when she gets her sign that she's finally been looking for.
[00:37:00] As she's laying in bed, she sees, like, this ginormous roach, which, like, disgusting, is crawling toward her altar, she has, like, a dresser with, you know, like, crosses and nativity scenes and pictures and stuff. All of it is religious, religion and Jesus related. And this bug, like, crawls directly toward it. And as it does, when it reaches it, it actually, like, shows, like, a ripple effect. Like, almost like this bug has now entered into another dimension by, you know, going to that altar. So this piques her interest, and she gets out of bed.
[00:37:36] So as she approaches the altar, she hears a voice, a man's voice. And it's speaking in Welsh. And it says, my child, the hour draws near.
[00:37:46] Soon you will enjoy the great embrace.
[00:37:50] You've known for some time that this world is just a game.
[00:37:55] Your life, childhood, mom, dad.
[00:38:00] You could feel there was something more, and all you yearned for was to touch it.
[00:38:07] I'm proud of how far you've come. I am proud of you.
[00:38:12] And then, like, a piece of paper starts rustling on her dresser. So she, like, looks at it, and then the voice says, take this last test, and we will be together. Truly.
[00:38:24] So then she asks, well, how will I know what I'm supposed to do? And the voice says, you have always known.
[00:38:31] I would like to point out, though, that at this point, point, this voice of God sounds an awful lot like what the voice of a demon sounds like. So, like, Maude, I think you're just so insanely confused because you've just been drinking the kool Aid for too long. So that day, she is, like, trying to make her bed, but then she picks up a bed sheet, and she puts it on to, like, make it into, like, a makeshift robe. And then she has, like, this, you know, like, pot of, like, water that she's using to, like, wash her face and her, like, her hands in. Excuse me. And there's, like, flashes of stuff around her, like, all these giant bottles of, like, hydrogen peroxide and, like, other chemicals. And then she gets a knock at the door, and who do you know? It's Joy. So Joy invites herself in, even though Maude says that she's, uh, pretty busy right now. And, um, Joy has basically, it looks like she's come straight from work. She says, I hope you don't mind. You know, I got your address from work. I just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing. And she's, like, smiling, but she's looking around, and she's like, oh, my God. Like, this place isn't all that clean, is it? But then she compliments Maude's, you know, altar that she has in her room. And Joy explains that she was really sorry that she couldn't meet Maude out the other night. She was just absolutely shattered, and she wouldn't have been any company to be around. So, you know, she goes to smoke a cigarette, and Maude hasn't said anything, and she's like, so I guess you're not with a patient right now.
[00:40:17] Maude is just kind of staring off, like Joy is saying, I feel really bad about the last time I saw you.
[00:40:28] You know, you were a great nurse, and I'm sure you did really well with your patient. What happened before the death at the hospital, like, that wasn't your fault, and I hope that you know that.
[00:40:40] So Maude is looking out the window, not facing joy at all while she's speaking. And Joy says, you know, I was really sorry, and I'm still sorry. We all should have been there. We saw that you were struggling. Like, none of us came to help you, and we should have.
[00:40:55] We should have known. We should have been there to help.
[00:40:58] Sometimes we're all in our own bubble, but, you know, sometimes it helps to share how we're feeling. And Maude is looking outside, and in the clouds, she sees, like, a vortex forming. And she takes this to be a sign from God as well.
[00:41:13] So she goes over to joy and puts her hands on her face, gives her a kiss on the cheek, and says, you know, may the Lord bless you. May the Lord keep you.
[00:41:26] It was nice of you to come, but please don't worry. You know, back then, I was lost, and now I'm a different person, and everybody will see soon enough how much different and better I am.
[00:41:40] So she escorts joy out, and then she decides, you know, tonight is the night. So she puts on her sheet, that's now essentially a white robe, and she has this ginormous, like, clunky rosary on, and she has, like, a bottle of some chemicals and then a water bottle next to it and a pair of scissors. So she makes her way on foot back up to Amanda's, which is, like, again, like, the furthest walk I. Like. I don't know. Like, it just seems so incredibly far.
[00:42:15] But she hides out of Amanda's house, like, in some shrubbery while she waits for Amanda's nurse, Esther, to leave. So then Maude takes that opportunity, and she sneaks into Amanda's house.
[00:42:29] As Maude makes her way through the house, we hear, like, electricity, you know, crackling and, like, lights flickering on and off as if to indicate that, like, the draw of her sheer spirit is making this happen. And she finally makes her way to the bedroom of Amanda, who looks, albeit more sick than she did before when Maude was taking care of her.
[00:42:54] She goes up to Amanda's bedside and puts her face on or puts her hand on Amanda's face, and Amanda reaches back out to touch her, and Amanda basically says, I'm so sorry that I was so unkind to you. You put things in my head that I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to listen to, or I didn't want to know. And, you know, Maude tries to reiterate that God sent her to Amanda and that he forgives everything. He can already hear what you're thinking. You know, he already knows it all, and all you have to do is ask for forgiveness, and the whole thing will go away.
[00:43:31] So, evidently, inside this, you know, plastic water bottle that she had been carrying with her is some holy water. And I'm not entirely sure how you can make holy water just on your own, but she dips her finger in it and starts to make a cross on Amanda's forehead with the water.
[00:43:50] Amanda kind of pushes her away, and, you know, she looks at Maude and says, you must be the loneliest girl that I've ever seen.
[00:44:02] And Maude is just, like, not taking it. She's like, I'm not alone. Like, I'm here. Like, you're not alone either. Like, we're gonna do this together. And every time she keeps trying to put more holy water on Amanda's body, Amanda, like, flinches and moves her hands away and is like, you're just absolutely crazy. God isn't real. You have to know that. Like, this whole thing is absurd. Essentially, Maude tries to reason with her, to say, like, no. Like, none of this is true. Like, remember the day that we prayed together? Like, you felt him too, like, he was here. And Amanda is like, no, I'm afraid I didn't. Like, you just don't know how dull it is to be dying, I guess. Implying that she was just looking for some sort of excitement in her life. And she tells Maude that literally nothing matters. And as soon as Maude starts to cry, Amanda's like, well, that was easy. And she. Amanda is possessed. She has a demon inside of her. She tells Maude that if you were a true believer, your God would be enough. But you are weak, just like your faith, because you came back here alone. Why would you come back here? And in a fit of rage, Maude takes the scissors that she brought with her and stabs Amanda in the chest, repeatedly. Slaying her completely, leaving the scissors inside.
[00:45:29] It's horrific.
[00:45:31] It doesn't take much to break Maude, apparently. It doesn't take anything at all. You know, you just tell her one thing and then she cries and then she stabs you. So, like, I don't know. It doesn't get much more Jesus like to me than that.
[00:45:47] You know, we can assume God would have done the exact same thing to her. So Maude leaves the house splattered with blood. She has stigmata. She's like, you know, she's crying blood. She has blood running from her eyes, and she's laughing and she's smiling, and she feels like this wind of the. Of God around her. And she goes to wash herself off, just kind of embracing the blood that is around her, the blood of this slain woman.
[00:46:22] And then she goes to bed, you know, because whenever you kill somebody, you just go to bed right after, like, it's no big deal. It's totally fine.
[00:46:32] So the next morning, Amanda is combing through her linens and her wardrobe, and she finds a very similar sheet to the one that she wore the previous night where she murdered Amanda and puts back on her ginormous rosary. And with some, you know, drive. And with, honestly, some pretty absent looking eyes, she walks onto the beach in the sky above her and above all the people visiting the beach, because it's like a. I don't know.
[00:47:08] In the UK, it rains often, so this is a particularly sunny day, even though the sun is not all that great.
[00:47:18] And she sees in the sky there's another vortex forming with the clouds. And people are talking.
[00:47:26] There's some singing, like, of an I saw the light song. And I suppose it's a hymn of some sort. I've never heard of it. But essentially she's like, I saw the light, you know, now I'm happy. Now nothing can hurt me. Like Xyz. And the vortex forming in the sky is getting bigger and bigger. So what we at first thought was the sun is actually not the sun. It was just the light of whatever, I guess, heaven, I don't entirely know.
[00:48:00] And she takes a. In the middle of the beach, okay, she takes a bottle of, like, some flammable liquid, like a gallon of it, and pours it all over her head and herself.
[00:48:17] And people are like, oh, my God, we have to stop her. Somebody please help her. Like, she can't do this. Please don't do this here. And she breaks out a lighter and, yeah, she lights herself on fire with all of these people watching.
[00:48:37] She says, glory to God, there's some wing imagery behind her while she's burning, like these fake white looking wings that are, like, clearly CGI. And as she's burning, there's some sort of bright aura around her. And all of the people on the beach who are watching her do this fall to their knees as if in some sort of act of worship. And that is where St. Maud ends.
[00:49:07] Whether that's fortunate or unfortunate, I will let you be the one who determines that.
[00:49:13] Now, this is the part where we ask ourselves, what does it all mean? And to be frank with you, I think the most terrifying part of this, like, please don't get. Please don't be.
[00:49:29] I don't know how to say this. Like, don't take everything that you've seen in this film and what you've heard me say today to be that, you know, this is about a woman and her close, true connection, in a religious sense, to a deity. That's. That's certainly not what we're seeing.
[00:49:51] What we're seeing is, I mean, this voice, right, that she, like, claims to hear this, like, dialogue that she's having spiritually is all in her head. Like, it's her own voice. She's talking to it. Like, she's looking for these signs. Like, these are all things that she's doing. She's talking to herself. So that's why, like, all these signs are, like, ambiguous and not, um, as straightforward. Right? Like, if, for example, she needed a true sign, right? Like, God would have said, like, okay, then, like, here is my. My recommendation to you is that you try to either convert Amanda in her final moments, or you need to, like, kill her. I don't know. Like, he would have said something like that, but that's not what happened. It speaks in very, you know, ambiguous terms. So it's. It's kind of like a way to get the audience to go along with what's happening, but also to show that this relationship that Maude has between herself and God is really just. Is all completely inside of her.
[00:51:09] It's not.
[00:51:10] It's not really happening, right? So, like, that's why it's so terrifying.
[00:51:21] That, to me, is more terrifying than the imagery shown on screen. I mean, what we're actually seeing on screen is, like, not really what the film is about at its core, this film is about how Maude is having this relationship with what she believes to be God in her own mind. I mean, the whole film takes place, like, in her head. Like, in her head space. So it's. It's very, very different than what we're shown on screen. And in a way, I think that makes it a lot more terrifying, honestly.
[00:51:57] Especially because a lot of the stuff that goes on in her head doesn't come out in her words. Right. She doesn't speak to, you know, joy when she visits her apartment, for example, about, like, how joy needs to convert and get on the right path and stop doing blah, blah, blah. Like, she doesn't do any of that. She doesn't explain anything to anyone except for Amanda. And then Amanda basically took the knowledge of her, quote unquote, relationship with God and is using it against her.
[00:52:30] And if we're being honest, like, I can speak for me personally, I can't speak for everybody, but, like, this is why I find religion to be so dangerous at times. Like, it literally takes people and says, like, here's a set of parameters for which to live your life by. And, you know, if you do this, you'll be rewarded later. But really, we don't know if the reward ever comes because, like, there's no way for us to pick up a phone in heaven if it. If it's there. You know, if heaven is real, we can't just, like, pick up a phone and call a family member and be like, oh, my God, like, I made it. Like, it's real. It's here. Like, that doesn't, that's not, that doesn't happen. So we don't know what the reward actually is, but what it, but what, you know, religions do is they take a framework by which you are to live within and promise you eternal salvation. They promise you all these things. I find it to be quite frightening. It's like a scare tactic to get people to behave a certain way. I think there are some valuable things to learn. Like, I can say with confidence that I think treat others how you want to be treated is a great moral, a great thing to carry with you on a daily basis.
[00:53:55] But I don't think there's eternal damnation if you fuck up one time.
[00:54:02] So I think, for me, that's why religion is so frightening.
[00:54:09] Some people are able, I would say most people actually are able. And that's anecdotal, just based on the people that I know are able to participate in religion and participate in religious communities and activities without going off the deep end. Right. They're able to say, like, I like the sense of community that going to church provides me or being involved in this religion, you know, grants me. And so, you know, for that reason, I'll be involved. And, like, maybe at the end, I do get a reward, but, like, that's not the sole reason I'm doing it, because think about it this way.
[00:54:47] If you are treating others in life, you know, well, let's just say you're super nice, and the only reason you're doing that is so you can have a good afterlife means that you don't care at all about the acts that you're doing. You don't care about being nice to people. It doesn't do anything for you. You don't want to be nice to the people. You just want to be nice so that you get what you want later in life. It's actually an incredibly selfish way to live if you really sit and think with it. And that's just my opinion. So, please, you don't have to take what I say and run with it. Or, you know, just. This is my show. If you don't like it, you can turn it off. But, like, I. That's how I feel.
[00:55:36] So then when I see a film like St. Maude and I see how a girl who, you know, she had a really traumatic event happen to her, she was trying to save a patient. She didn't. The patient died. It's very unfortunate it does happen. And that kind of goes back to what I was saying before I started the episode where I was talking about how, like, you know, yes, doctors, nurses, healthcare workers, like, they lose and save lives every day.
[00:56:03] It's traumatic, like, to lose a life in your own hands, nonetheless. So, like, for Maude to carry this with her makes complete sense to me now.
[00:56:16] For her to think that it was some kind of divine intervention in her life to make her become a different person so that she can, like, live life differently or something. Like, I don't know that that fully makes sense to me.
[00:56:36] I mean, maybe it was a wake up call life. Like, who knows? Maybe she had been living life recklessly and had not been properly trained or didn't care to be properly trained. And, like, that's why this thing happened to her, where she had a patient that she lost, like, who knows what it was?
[00:56:56] But to use religion as, like, a way to be like, oh, I'm a totally different person now.
[00:57:06] Totally different person. Like, I don't know that you can do that.
[00:57:13] I don't know that you. I mean, people find comfort in religion. They find comfort that there's something else that's, you know, otherworldly. We can't see it with our own eyes. We can't touch it with our own hands.
[00:57:29] They find comfort in that. In knowing that there's a purpose for this. And. And possibly that's how Maude interpreted this experience of losing her patient was some kind of divine intervention in her life to say, like, look, this is your wake up call. Like, you need to stop living life this way. And, you know, I don't know. I can't say that, like, nothing like that has ever happened to me personally, so I can't say that I wouldn't maybe fall into a similar trap.
[00:58:00] And it's healthy, and it's all fine to be like, well, there's, you know, really good stories in the Bible, and, like, I've learned a lot. Like, great. Everyone should be well read. I have no issue with that at all. I think the more that, you know, the more power you have. Knowledge is power, but what's not power is taking your beliefs and putting them on other people. And then when they don't conform, you stab them. Like, what the. Like, you can't do that.
[00:58:29] So that's. That's my mini rant. But there is some, you know, interesting religious symbolism in the film, and that is what I would like to touch on now. I would like to start looking back on the. The spugna, the. The piece of Cork with, you know, metal needles and whatnot in it that I described previously or earlier in this episode that is a part of a christian practice of mortification of the flesh or modification of the flesh. It's a way to, like, punish yourself. So that way, like, you know, you pay your penance and then, like, you're forgiven.
[00:59:17] It's typically used in the privacy of your own home. So she. She took it outside of that. So, you know, again, she's taking everything, and she's taken it to an extreme.
[00:59:34] Yeah, it's. It's a very interesting concept. I I don't know that this is something that I would personally do, but mortification of flesh is basically just a practice of being forgiven.
[00:59:55] It's penance for your sins. It's to share in the passion of Jesus Christ. It can also be things like fasting or pious kneeling or abstinence.
[01:00:09] It doesn't specifically have to be walking on a bed of nails.
[01:00:14] Actually, you know, it's a little greater than that.
[01:00:19] Mortification of the flesh comes from the Book of Mormon. Book of Romans. Excuse me, not the Book of Mormon. See? See, this is where my head is at. Comes from the book of Romans 813, and that's the New Testament. It says, for if you live according to the flesh, you will die.
[01:00:39] But if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
[01:00:46] And this is something that's not solely found in the New Testament or in the book of Romans, but, you know, that's, you know, where we really see that point driven home.
[01:01:00] And like I said, there's a lot of different forms of mortification. It can be abstinence of food, so fasting. It can be abstaining from sex. It could be abstaining from meat, alcohol, drugs. It could be literally anything. It just has to be something that makes your life difficult or burdensome. And so, like, that, in turn, is supposed to be seen as a sacrifice to God and I guess, is supposed to drive home, like, some sort of discipline.
[01:01:40] It's.
[01:01:44] I don't know if the God that I know, other than the God in the book of revelations, which is, like, a totally different. Okay, that's totally different God, right. But the. All the other, you know, writings or things in the Bible about God, like, I don't know that he would have wanted people to do this to themselves necessarily. That's just my read on that.
[01:02:07] When it comes to Esther, right? The nurse, the new nurse of Amanda, I don't know entirely why. Like, I don't entirely know why. It appears that Maude is so upset by the fact that her name is Esther, but the book of Esther, right? This is.
[01:02:33] This is a story, right?
[01:02:36] It tells a story of a woman who. A beautiful jewish woman. Her name is Esther, and she becomes a queen of, like, a persian empire. And she essentially foils a plan to have all Jews in Persia killed. So an act of genocide. She foils this plan and grants, essentially, the Haman has granted permission of Jews to kill their enemies. So I don't know if she sees her as, like, some sort of traitor or, like, I don't fully know. Like, it's hard for me to understand why she was so turned away or turned off by the fact that this woman's name was Esther. But for whatever reason, for her, this name Esther has some, like, serious implications that piss her off. And the only thing I can think of symbolically is that Maude is super ultra religious. And then she finds this woman named Esther. Esther is a religious name. And so she's, like, not pleased with the fact that Esther, who may also be religious, like, we don't know. Ma didn't ask her and she didn't offer any details. But that, you know, Esther might be having a wonderful relationship with Amanda and might actually be the one to turn Amanda, you know, into a Christian or a believer. So I don't know if there's some sort of, like, jealousy there or what that actually is, but I found that scene very interesting. So if you guys have any thoughts on that, please, please do let me know.
[01:04:20] I know that I touched a little bit about.
[01:04:23] After the murder of Amanda. There is some stigmata that's evidenced. Stigmata is essentially a reference to a marking on the skin, but it's typically associated with religion and what are called the five sacred wounds, according to the Bible, that were.
[01:04:45] That were present during the crucifixion of Jesus. So wounding in the wrists, the feet, the nails, the head, the heart, your back, like, anything that Jesus would have been subjected to during his crucifixion. So when she leaves the house and we see that she has, like, blood on her face, and it's, like, kind of coming from her eyes, and there's blood all over her, and, like, her hands are bloodied, and, you know, it is very much, to me, a reference to stigmata. Additionally, the burn on her hand, I feel like is 100% a reference to stigmata. She burns herself intentionally after, you know, learning that Carol and Amanda are in on some joke against her. And.
[01:05:37] Yeah, a wound to the hand. To me, that makes sense. She intentionally chose her hand knowing that that is part of, you know, one of the five wounds, five sacred wounds that are in the Bible. So I don't think that was by coincidence at all.
[01:05:55] But looking at the very end, right, the fact that she sets herself on fire, okay, that is called self immolation.
[01:06:05] And typically, this is done for, like, either political or religious reasons. But it's like.
[01:06:15] It's typically, like, associated with, like, an act of protest or an act of being a martyr or becoming a martyr. And it's 100%, like, one of the most extreme forms, like, of. Of demonstration that you can do. It's absolutely. It's horrific. It really is.
[01:06:39] It's.
[01:06:42] It's a brutal way to die. It is. It really is. But what's really interesting to me about this scene in particular, okay, is that she does it in front of a group of. Of so many people, right? Like, she's in the middle of a beach, and there's so many people around, and they're all watching.
[01:07:05] And at first, right, like, when she pours the chemical on her body and her head and then holds the lighter, as soon as she catches on fire, it appears that she has, like, this golden aura around her, as if to symbolize she's something heroic or something, you know, otherworldly godly, greater than herself, greater than her counterparts, and something to be worshipped. And that's why we see everybody, like, fall to their knees around her. And she also has these wings that glow and she feels, or she looks very happy and pleased with herself in that moment. But right before the credits roll, there is a visual of her, like, what she actually looks like when she's burning, like, what a human actually looks like when they're burning on fire and she's screaming and she's covered in black burn marks all over her face and body, and she's struggling.
[01:08:11] And that, for me, really and truly, I know there's so many important details, but, like, she talks constantly in, you know, the middle portion of the film about how she needs a sign or she. Like, she does. She can't. She can't get herself to believe that this is all for nothing. Like, this is an important. This is important work. You know, this is something that she feels that she's capable of taking on and, like, you know, healthcare work is noble, but, like, saving lives is better. So she's, like, sacrificing herself in a way, because I believe at this point, she truly thinks that she is Jesus Christ.
[01:09:00] Right.
[01:09:02] If we're working with the premise that the entire film is her only speaking with herself in her own head, then it is not unreasonable to think that she believes that she is Jesus Christ. It's just not unreasonable. It's like, it makes actually more sense than probably anything else.
[01:09:25] She talks about how Jesus is within her and he's all around her and, like, she can feel him.
[01:09:32] I don't think she can. I think that's completely 100% her and has put her on this dangerous path into delusion, into a downward spiral of what eventually results in her self immolation and the fact that at the very end, when we see what she actually looks like right, when she's on fire, burning, writhing in pain, negates the previous scene that she's seen with this golden aura and people bowing down to her. Right? If self immolation was truly her way to martyrdom and was she was Jesus Christ, like, and people were bowing to her and she was happy to do it, then why is she writhing in pain? Right? Like, if she was doing this for God, then wouldn't her God save her? Wouldn't her God make sure that she passed without pain? Wouldn't her God not let her suffer?
[01:10:30] He lets her suffer anyway. And that, to me, shows that. It reinforces not only the point that, you know, this whole thing was in her head the entire time. But it also brings about another point that in the world of the film, I'm not going to speak all encompassing because I don't think God is real, and I know many people are going to disagree with that. So I'm not going to speak in a universal statement. But in the film. Film, it proves that there is no God.
[01:11:05] She did all this for God, and now she's in pain. Why is she in pain? Because no one will save her. No one will protect her. Her God can't be there for her.
[01:11:15] That was the most powerful snippet of film in the entire movie.
[01:11:24] And I really hope that nobody overlooked that because it is. It's just a glimpse. It doesn't last but for maybe 1 second or less. It's very short, but it is the most powerful thing in the entire film. And that also leads me right down my road of.
[01:11:43] Remember when I said that she was talking to God or God was talking to her and he was speaking Welsh and he was like, giving her instructions on what she needs to do.
[01:11:56] Like, God wouldn't have wanted her to kill somebody. So, like, that should automatically, I guess, just be a thing. Like, we should just know that this person or this voice that she's talking to is not actually there and it's 100% not God.
[01:12:14] But it also brings about the point that, you know, she was tricked.
[01:12:21] She was tricked into doing this by a demon. Let's. Let's say, right, I said, God sounds off an awful lot like a demon, didn't I?
[01:12:33] So let's say this was a demon and she was believing that this was God's voice.
[01:12:39] She was tricked the whole time. She was tricked all along.
[01:12:47] That, to me, is the most defining, you know, that very end scene where we see her burning is the pivotal moment in which we can look back on the rest of the film and say, wow, she was fucked from the beginning, you know?
[01:13:05] So I really enjoyed this film. I hope that you enjoyed listening to me talk to you about it. I hope that if you enjoyed listening to this, that you will take it upon yourself to watch it again. It's free on Amazon Prime Prime Video. If you have that, and I can't recommend it enough. Is it kind of like a slow burn for a little bit of it? I would say yes.
[01:13:30] If you're like me, you like the slow burn because it makes it, like, more impactful, at least to me anyway, and allows the viewer to do a little bit more critical thinking during the film itself and, like, actually builds the tension. And it's hard to build tension over the course of an entire film all the way up until the climax. If you choose to put the climax at the very end, that's very difficult. But a talented filmmaker can accomplish that. And I do believe that our writer and director here has has done that effectively. And the best news is that it's only 1 hour and 24 minutes long. It is like, it's a quick watch. If you sit down and really, you know, be immersed in the story, like, it will go by so fast, you will not be able to believe it. So I just wanted to take this last bit of our episode, as I typically do, to remind you all that the final girl on 6th Avenue is part of the morbidly beautiful network. So please head over to morbidlybeautiful.com to check out all of the content that we release.
[01:14:39] Show us some love and you can find this podcast on Google Podcasts, which I'll have to check that out because I heard Google Podcasts was no more. So I'll have to see where my stuff like lives within that platform and it may not be there at all.
[01:14:56] So yeah, Google podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Stitcher, Amazon Pocket casts if you've enjoyed the show, it would mean the world to me if you left me a five star review and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, suggestions or requests, you can email me at finalgirlon six mail.com or you can send me a message on Instagram iinalgirlonsix thank you so much for listening today. I hope you all enjoyed the episode. Thank you for sticking it out with me and making it this far. If you have, I always appreciate the audience that regularly listens. So thank you very much from the bottom of my heart and I will be back in two weeks to talk to you about another thrilling film. I'm very excited as always. And yeah, I'll talk to you guys later. Never forget that I am 6th Avenue.
